Have you ever been in a relationship that seemed more like work than fun? Where every day you seemed to have a new issue to discuss? Maybe it had to do with little miscommunication, or an ongoing dispute, or a difference of opinion that regularly complicated your daily interactions.
Check out these common couple fights and what you and your partner can do to get past them!
Fights about money are one of the most common couple fights people who co-mingle their money have. You spend one way and they spend another. Maybe you’re more frugal. Maybe they’re more impulsive. You can talk yourself out of a ten-dollar scarf but they won’t think twice about buying a hot tub for the backyard. Here’s the solution: separate accounts. It doesn’t matter if you’re married or just living together, when you and your partner have drastically different spending habits (or debt) it’s a really good idea not to co-mingle all your money.
You can co-mingle some of it though. Get a joint account for household bills like your mortgage/rent, utilities or groceries. Or, you can divide up your bills and pay them from your separate accounts if you don’t want to mix any of your money at all. Either way, you need to ensure that there’s money to pay your bills. When it comes to making big purchases (like a hot tub), maybe your partner will think twice about spending their own money on it or talk to you about it first if they’d like you to share the expense. Couples who fight about money shouldn’t adhere to the adage, “what’s yours is mine and what’s mine is yours” if they want to avoid this couple fight.
No one likes scrubbing the toilet, taking out the trash or picking up pet poop, but it has to be done. If both you and your partner work full-time jobs, you should be sharing the household chores—no excuses. If a verbal agreement about who is responsible for what and when can’t be stuck to, make a chore chart. Seriously, make one and put it up on the fridge. It will hold you both accountable. And if some chores are grosser than others, divide the gross chores between the two of you first. Vacuuming won’t seem so bad if you have to clean the cat box too! If you both take care of your home, you can avoid the couple fight about chores.
It’s their first day off in weeks, but instead of spending it with you they’re going camping with friends. You’re fighting because you feel like you’re not their priority. Well, it’s okay if you aren’t their priority all of the time. Maybe this camping trip is less about not being with you and more about their desire to blow off some steam with friends and take some “me time.” Even people in the happiest relationships need time away from their significant others. They need their own hobbies and interests and need to maintain their own social circle.
Instead of being upset about your partner’s desire to spend their free time without you, why not get a group of friends together for a trip of your own or even just a night out? You won’t be so upset if you’ve got something fun and relaxing to do too and making plans of your own could help you avoid this couple fight.
Couples fight about the frequency, duration and type of sex they have. Maybe they want to have it more, but you’d prefer better quality sex over frequent sex. Maybe you want to try something new that doesn’t appeal to your partner. Maybe they’re too tired to have sex after a stressful day of work.
The truth is that even couples who are sexually compatible aren’t always going to want the exact same kind of sex at the exact same time and that’s okay. There’s always tomorrow or the day after or the week after. The point is to not make a big deal out of not having sex when you want it and they don’t, or when they want it and you don’t. Intimacy in a relationship isn’t just about having sex. It’s about holding hands, snuggling, kissing and deep conversations. It’s about taking care of your partner. Find other ways to be intimate if sex isn’t an option. There are many ways to avoid this couple fight if you have a true understanding of intimacy.
Jealousy is about your own insecurity, especially if your partner has never cheated on you. There are attractive people in the world who like to show their bodies off. That’s a fact. And it’s human to look. You know you do it too and looking isn’t disrespectful. Gawking, drooling, whistling and having sex with someone else is! So don’t freak out if you see your partner checking someone else out. Give yourself permission to check out other people too, and if it bothers your partner, remind them that they do it. They may stop. But if they don’t stop, know that looking doesn’t necessarily mean touching.
Although these are common couple fights, they could also be relationship red flags. It’s all about compromise and if you and you’re partner aren’t willing to compromise in order to resolve your issues, it may mean that you two aren’t meant to be together. If you can’t align your spending habits, don’t spend any free time together, refuse to clean up after yourselves, have a non-existent sex life and are constantly worried about infidelity, chances are you and your partner are not a good match. If the fights outweigh the peaceful, happy times, you should not be together.
Relationships take work. Are you willing to compromise? Is your partner? If not, you both need to move on.