“The difference between a compliment and flattery is often motive. A compliment offers genuine appreciation for a quality or action seen in another person. The goal of flattery is usually self-advancement through gaining the favor of someone else. Compliments seek to encourage; flattery attempts to manipulate.” —David McCaslandManipulation
The word “manipulation” has a negative connotation
but it simply means to change the circumstances of a situation in order to get a desired result. So someone could be complimenting you in order to sway you to their way of thinking or to disarm you or break down the barriers between the two of you. It’s manipulation, but it’s not always negative. They could just be trying to get to know you better. And who doesn’t like to be told they’re pretty, handsome, smart or funny? It’s nice to hear, especially when it’s a heartfelt compliment with no ulterior motive behind it.
Some people compliment others, because they want a compliment in return. If they need a self-esteem boost, they may compliment you with the hope that you’ll say the same thing back to them. After all, don’t we often feel obligated to return a compliment once it’s been paid to us? They could also be trying to bond with you, and they figure complimenting you will make you friends, lovers, business partners, etc.
Caution
Here’s when to be cautious. Let’s say someone compliments you right before asking you for money or to do something you don’t want to do. That’s the bad kind of manipulation. That’s when a red flag should go up. Or when your boss tells you you’re doing a great job but won’t promote you or give you a raise. Compliments are free, so they’re giving them freely, but what you really want is the money and title you deserve. That’s another red flag. Compliments don’t pay your bills! Be cautious. Be realistic about your future with the company. I’m a big believer in letting your conscious guide you. If the little voice in your head is saying “beware,” listen to it.
Sincerity
So how can we tell if a compliment is sincere? One of the best ways is to talk to someone you trust. Tell a friend, partner or your psychic what happened and ask them for their opinion. They have nothing to gain by lying to you. They’ll be honest. Does it match up with what you’ve been thinking? If you think you’re being manipulated, and your trusted confidant agrees, chances are you should proceed with caution. But if you both agree that the compliment was sincere, you’ve probably got nothing to worry about.
The best advice I can give is to take compliments at face value and don’t worry about their motives. If they make you feel good, sit with that feeling. Don’t dissect the compliments and analyze them from every angle. It takes the good feelings away. But if you feel like someone is using compliments to manipulate you, trust your gut and proceed with caution.
Taking compliments at face value unless there’s a clear reason to doubt them is practical advice. Trusting one’s gut feeling can often lead to the right judgment.
The advice to discuss the compliment with a trusted confidant is sound. External perspectives can help clarify intentions that might not be immediately obvious.
The cautionary tale about compliments right before a request is a good reminder to be mindful of ulterior motives.
Indeed, it’s a common tactic. Recognizing this pattern can help us safeguard our interests.
The distinction between a compliment and flattery as described here is quite insightful. Understanding the motive behind the words can indeed make a significant difference.
The reminder that ‘Compliments don’t pay your bills’ is a hard-hitting truth. Professional recognition should align with tangible rewards.
I agree that assessing the sincerity behind a compliment can be challenging. The context and relationship with the person matter a lot.
Absolutely, context is key. A compliment from a close friend carries different weight than one from a casual acquaintance.
It’s interesting how the article delves into the intricacies of manipulation. It broadens the perspective that not all manipulation is inherently negative.
It is true that compliments can create positive feelings, and over-analyzing them might diminish their impact. Trusting one’s intuition is crucial.